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The first secret to creating abundance is learning what abundance isn’t. Abundance is not happiness. Abundance is not determined by our bank account, the square footage of our home, or the make of our car. If it were, then we would see wealthier people behave as though they are happier and the middle class demonstrating signs of misery. Yet hundreds of experiments show unequivocally that, once basic needs for comfort have been met at a modest, middle class level, the correlation between wealth and happiness disappears. Poof! Chasing after money in the hope that it will buy us more happiness, intimacy, or fulfillment is a waste of energy based on an invalid hypothesis.

Many of us think we already get this. We say our “amens,” grateful to God/the Universe for our daily bread. But we secretly believe that what we have, as well as fundamentally who we are, is not enough. We find ourselves grasping for more, feeling like dogs chasing our tails. Why can’t we stop?

The saying “Seeing is believing” reinforces the idea that we must see something, notice something, before we will believe it. But how can we notice something we don’t have our attention on? Let me simplify the quandary with an example that we’ve probably all experienced.

You buy a new car (or at least new to you) and suddenly you notice that same car everywhere on the freeway. Did everyone suddenly buy the identical car that day? Of course not. It’s just that your attention is now focused on something that previously you hadn’t noticed. Seeing your car everywhere reinforces that there are more of them out there even if you “know” that can’t be true.

So when we are bombarded through the media with visions of excited, sexy, happy new owners of cars, yachts, homes, and clothes, we believe that there must be a correlation between having and happiness, especially if we’re not feeling excited, happy, and satisfied in that particular moment. We look at these successful, happy people and compare them to us.

The conclusion: Something is wrong with me. We now experience “lack consciousness,” which fuels the urge to have or get more so that we will feel like we are enough.

The second secret to creating abundance is to recognize that the saying “Seeing is believing” is backwards. When we focus on something, when we choose to believe it, we begin to see it more and more everywhere, just like the new car scenario. Therefore, if we choose to believe we are abundant, we will begin to notice how abundant we are. So do you need to see it first to believe it? No! “Believing is seeing!”

Obviously, then, the first step to actually experiencing abundance is to check what your current beliefs are that stop you from seeing that abundance already surrounds you. Do you doubt that you deserve abundance? Do you define abundance in such a way that you can never “get” it? Do you think of abundance as something “out there”? Do you compare yourself to other people and make yourself feel miserable with jealousy or envy? Are you afraid of having “too much,” thinking you will become lazy or spoiled?

If you don’t feel abundant, then you must be holding on to at least one limiting belief. So how can you talk back to your limiting beliefs? How can you believe something new and different? I encourage questioning the authority of your limiting beliefs and self-judgments. That’s right, question your own authority. Ask yourself, “Who the heck am I to think such a limiting/ridiculous/unloving/narrow-minded/silly/pain-producing thought?” I am reminded of Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver when he looks in the mirror and challenges his image with, “You talkin’ to me? Hey, you talkin’ to me?!” Who is that talking to you anyway? Whose views about lack and unworthiness have you held as unquestionable truths? Who told you that you can’t feel happy unless you match up or surpass others’ criteria?

Once we get that “Believing is seeing” we will begin to experience the abundance that flows within us and surrounds us. If you believe that YOU are abundant, you will have more appreciation of your body, mind, spirit, and talents. From this appreciation will grow your natural desire to share your abundance. And what we share we get back ten-fold. Every parent who has felt unbridled love for a child knows that all it takes is a smile or an “I love you, Mommy/Daddy” to feel like we’re the lucky ones. Those of us who have a beloved pet know the feeling of being given back ten-fold by a simple lick on the nose.

Believing is seeing – it sounds simple enough. Yet challenging our own authority about what is true and being willing to believe something new requires focus. As with any new habit, we have to practice believing we are abundant until it comes more naturally. We will know when we have practiced this new belief sufficiently when we can no longer ignore the signs of abundance everywhere: increased self-esteem, a sense of personal satisfaction, a desire to challenge ourselves more, an ability to let go, and an urge to share the richness of who we are.

As we share the abundance of ourselves with ourselves and others, abundance begins to permeate our life. Abundance is not outside our grasp because what is within us does not require chasing after. You ARE abundant. Get that and two things are likely to occur: what you thought you wanted may change and what you now want is more aligned with your spirit.

Jane Straus is a nationally renowned relationship expert, talk show host, media guest, and the author of Enough is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life. Jane is dedicated to sharing the insights she gained and the strategies she developed from her wake-up call in the form of a brain tumor diagnosis in 2003. To learn more, visit www.AskJaneNow.com.