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The Nature of Conflict
publication date: May 15, 2009
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author/source: Tristan Loo
There’s an old Taoist story about two men who had fallen into the river rapids. Onlookers feared for both men. Sadly one man did not survive, but miraculously, the other man did survive. People asked the man how he survived when the other man did not. The survivor replied, “The other man chose to fight against the river. He used all of his strength against its flow. I chose not to fight, but rather accommodated myself to the water— not it to me. When I plunged into the swirl, I flowed with the swirl. I allowed the river to carry me, instead of destroy me. This was how I survived.”
Many people have grown accustomed to believing that conflict is a negative event to be avoided in life. It is this belief that generates so much anger and violence in the world because people see conflict as something that needs to be stamped out of their lives. They choose to fight against what they perceive to be the cause of that conflict, without realizing that their actions only generate more negative conflict for themselves. The cycle of force against force continues until at one point someone loses.
The Reality of Conflict
The reality is that conflict is unavoidable and inescapable for even the most careful person. Conflict is a necessary part of life. Positive conflict generates new inventions, new advances in humanity, new technologies, and new growth. Conflict challenges conventional thinking and offers new perspectives and new ideas. Where we are standing in society today could not have been possible without the conflicts of the people who stood before us. Likewise, our children and the children after them will benefit or suffer from the conflicts that we choose to deal with today. This is part of the cycle of life.
How can conflict be both positive and negative? How can it bring both new growth and destructive chaos? The answer to these questions is not in the conflict itself, but rather, in the way we choose to deal with those conflicts. When we encounter a problem, many people believe that the best way to deal with that problem is with aggressive brute force, attacking everything and anyone who is perceived to be a source of that conflict in order to make it disappear. Like the man who did not survive in the story, many people choose to fight against the river’s flow and they end up drowning in the process.
When dealing with conflict, we must first accept the fact that we are in the raging river and we must acknowledge the fact that fighting against its powerful flow is a futile effort. Only after we make peace with the notion that resistance is useless can we change our position and allow ourselves to be guided rather than pushed. Our goal is not to fight conflict, but rather recognize its power and use it to generate new ideas and to carry us through the turbulent waters of life.
So always remember that conflict is neither good nor bad—its simply a part of life. The determination of whether it becomes good or bad for us lies in our decision on how we choose to perceive it and how we choose to handle it. The choice is ours. We can fight the raging river or we can go with the flow.
About the Author
 Tristan Loo is the founder of the Self Improvement Association (SIA) and a leading authority on
human potential and personal effectiveness. As a life coach, author and
presenter, Tristan has inspired thousands of people all over the world
with his passionate message of overcoming adversity and creating the
ultimate life that they desire. His vision is a world where everyone is
able to achieve their dreams in life. His life is dedicated towards
facilitating that dream.
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